Happy birthday, Faith! It's been one year since I labored, delivered, and held you in my arms. It was different from when your sister was born. She came into the world with cries, her bright blue eyes looking at each of us.
When you were born, your eyes never opened. They never looked at Mommy who loves you so much. They never had a chance to look adoringly at a big sister who waited for years on your arrival. Your teeny, tiny fingers never grasped mine with surprising force. When you were born you were already with Jesus in Heaven.
I think about you daily, baby girl, and I'll never forget you. Your sister scolded your daddy yesterday for saying something that reminded me of you. I told her that it was okay because a mother never forgets. She is always with me. You are always with me. Reese and Wynn are always with me.
Do you play with Reese and Wynn? Did you welcome them to Heaven with open arms? Do you sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to him read you stories? Jesus loves children so I imagine He might. Are you a child in Heaven? Did you enter the pearly gates as a tiny baby and slowly grow? Or did you enter Heaven more adult-like? I have so many questions. But in my imagination, I see you as a small child.
I think about what this Christmas season would be like if you'd lived, sweet Faith. There would be more presents under the tree because you would be with us. It would be much busier as I tried to get my baking, shopping, wrapping, and cleaning done with an infant but it would be filled with so much love.
You'd be almost seven months old. When you'd catch sight of Sarah, you'd giggle and smile just like your cousin does when he sees her. You'd be rolling over and sitting up, starting baby food and spitting it everywhere when you didn't like it. You'd be interested in moving but still small enough to snuggle easily.
If you were here, though, Reese wouldn't have had a chance to exist. Wynn would've never shown up on an ultrasound. And I probably would've turned down quite a few things as a new mommy that God is currently calling me to do. When God is done with what He wants me to accomplish here, He'll bring me home to you, Reese, and Wynn. Daddy and Sarah will join us at some point, too. It seems so long to me here on earth but to you it probably doesn't seem that long. Faith, you know so much more than me just by being with Him!
Mommy still cries sometimes. But most of the time my tears have been replaced with joyful anticipation of holding you in my arms again and the realization that I have a mission here on earth given to me by God.
So Happy Birthday, my second daughter, my Faith Leanne, my sweet baby girl. Mommy loves you and I'll be home when God is ready.