Today I took my daughter to a birthday party for one of her friends. Little Miss was so very excited to go because this party was a pool party. Rented pool, lots of people I know…and me in my swimsuit.
My swimsuit isn’t immodest; it has black legging shorts and a purple patterned top. No midriff. No upper thighs. And I wear a pair of old green regular shorts over top of all that. Just me in my swimsuit.
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There were about thirty kids in the water. Maybe ten moms on the sidelines. One dad in the pool with a preschooler. And me in my swimsuit.
Yesterday I was telling my husband I was considering not swimming. My daughter insisted. And I didn’t have a good reason. The group was nowhere near the cap on people in the pool. My daughter isn’t the best swimmer yet. No excuses. Just me in my swimsuit.
So I packed my swim bag. Flip flops. Beach towel. Green ratty shorts. And me in my swimsuit.
At the pool I hesitated. When I realized most adults weren’t even getting in the water, I really did not want to. I wanted to sit and make chit chat with moms. I wanted to sit on the sidelines like all the other moms. I wanted to keep my clothes ON and not bare my arms/shoulders/chest/back. But I slowly started changing my clothes, keeping the most of myself covered up. There I was…me in my swimsuit.
I led my daughter through the locker room, showered, and opened the door. I was standing on the pool deck…just me in my swimsuit.
I could have disappointed my daughter. I could have made the choice and just said no to my daughter. But I knew that was wrong. I’d be teaching my daughter all the wrong things. Giving up. Hiding from the world. Being ashamed of your body. Fear over fun. Letting others dictate what you enjoy. So I waded into the pool…me in my swimsuit.
I love swimming. The smell of chlorine hitting my nose as I felt the water around me was a euphoric experience for me. As I played with my daughter the water mostly covered me to my shoulders anyway. I could have missed that if I’d listened to the fear and insecurity telling me to cover myself up. So there I was…more than 200 pounds overweight, playing with my daughter in the water…
…just me in my swimsuit.
(Not in my swimsuit...I was in the water, I couldn't take a picture!)