Major confession time: Today, January 20th, I did the dishes for the first time this year.
Okay, so it’s not QUITE as bad as it sounds. We have loaded and unloaded the dishwasher with plates, bowls, cups, and silverware as needed in the last twenty days. However, that handwash? You know, all the plastic stuff and the pots and pans and the expensive knives and the griddle you cooked French toast on? Yeah, it’s been piling up on my counters since December 28th.
On December 28th, I did handwash so my kitchen would be clean when my husband’s family came over for an evening of gifts and finger foods. After they left, the dishes sat. And sat…and sat.
Today, while I sat my daughter at the table with various homeschool assignments, I loaded the dishwasher, washed every dish that does not go into the dishwasher, and cleaned all the counters off. My kitchen looks like someone cares again.
The problem is, for the last four weeks I really didn’t care. I didn’t like that my kitchen was so messy but I didn’t care enough. I was too busy trying not to curl up in a ball all day, every day. When you’re walking through grief, the dishes don’t matter. Who cares if the frying pan is covered with egg residue because my baby is dead. The fact that my baby is dead outweighs so much when walking through grief.
As I’m slowly coming to a place where my grief isn’t so strong and my energy is starting to return, I’m able to care again. I can get the dishes done because I finally have enough strength, both emotionally and physically, to do them.
If there’s something you’re struggling to get done, whether it be dishes, laundry, making the bed, or just putting clothes on each day, remember to give yourself grace. God spoke to Paul in Second Corinthians 12: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Remember His grace is sufficient, you will get through this, and you will get to a day when you can finally do the dishes!
Full Disclosure: My Christmas decorations are all still up, too. I wasn’t ready to take them down on January 1st like I usually do…I needed the cheerfulness of Christmas in my house while I was working on my grief. But I’ve started slowly putting it away. It should be done before the end of the week, but if it’s not, His grace is sufficient!