Laughter After Loss

I cried today.  I cried yesterday.  I cried the day before that, too.  I think I've cried every single day since December 13^th.  Some days I cry a lot or many different times.  Other days, I cry just a little bit.  But I've cried every day for 23 days. 

I laughed today.  I laughed yesterday.  I laughed the day before that, too.  I think I've laughed every single day since December 13^th.  Some days I laugh a lot or many different times.  Other days, I laugh just a little bit.  But I've laughed every day for 23 days.

My baby girl, Faith Leanne, died on December 22^nd, nine days after my water broke in the beginning of my second trimester.  For 23 days, I've had my mind on my sweet girl and the precious life I was losing too soon.  I’ll think of her every day for the rest of my life, because she is my little girl and always will be.  But even in the two weeks after she died, I’m still able to laugh and smile.

I think the thing we forget is that while something tragic and heartbreaking has happened, there are also so many beautiful and joyful things left in the world.  Watching my six year old and my nephew open presents on Christmas Day, I couldn't help but smile.  Hundreds of people around the world have been praying for me and my family in the last three weeks.  My heart was touched with joy over the outpouring of love and kindness towards us.

But most importantly, I smile and laugh because “The joy of the Lord is my strength” and I have never felt that more keenly than I have since losing Faith.  He has strengthened me every day and while leaving the house and being a part of the world has its painful moments that cause me sadness and tears, I also find strength in the many blessings I find in the world as well.