On December 22nd, when my sweet baby girl, Faith,
was born too early at 16 weeks, I had been free from anxiety and depression for
two and a half years, thanks to the freedom I’d found in Jesus Christ. I was worried I’d end up back in the pit of
depression where I’d spent nearly twenty years of my life.
So I went to Father God and said, “Lord, I cannot do
this. You’re going to have to do this
for me. Tell me what to do. “
He never disappoints.
He says He’ll carry us and the last three months have more than proved
His faithfulness. He heard me and told
me exactly what I needed to do.
“Charyse, you need to walk every single day.”
As usual, He was right.
But why walking? Why was it
exactly what I needed?
I needed a reason to
leave the house. Spending time with
friends seven days a week, week in and week out was not a feasible long-term
solution. Putting on clothes and leaving
the house to go for a walk every day was.
This kept me from spending days curled up in my pajamas, making myself
more and more depressed.
It made me feel happier. Exercise of any kind produces good endorphins
which improve your mood. For a grieving
mama, an improved mood is a lifesaver.
I needed to have
purpose. My baby girl was dead and I
needed to find a purpose for myself and I needed her short life to have
purpose. Walking made me feel like I was
accomplishing something, even if the only thing I did all day was get a walk
in.
I needed to get
healthy. When I got pregnant, I was
significantly overweight. I still am;
walking hasn't lost me that much weight as my hormones are just now starting to
balance themselves out from pregnancy. But
I needed to help my body regulate itself and I needed a big kick in the pants
to get my body on the road to healthy.
Others needed to hear
my story. While I was asking God to
get me through a hard time so that I could overcome a tragedy that happened to
me, He knew that I am only a small part of His great plan. Others needed to hear my story because it
helped them. I wasn't just walking for
myself and my own health, God told me to walk because through walking I would
be able to help others.
Now that I’m feeling healthier and happier, I know that
God’s sovereign plan is much bigger and greater than my own. Through walking, I learned that Faith’s life, short as it may have been,
will continue to touch others, so long as I stay faithful to God’s
direction to keep walking.
